Rewrite this headline:
'Mother of ' (babysitter/teen died after being locked in house cries in court).
I have taken a real headline and changed it slightly. The subject is mother. The verb is cries. We can draw a sentence tree. Imagine a tree or face with ear rings. On the left is the branch or ear, the subject. On the right is the branch or ear, the object. Draw hanging from each branch or ear a circle for the clause describing the subject and object. Mother cries. Teen was locked in house then died.
The subject is mother.We could have two sentences. Mother first. Teen second. Mother cries in court. She learns/learned/heard teen was locked in house, then died. Link the sentence with time description 'while/after'.
You can rearrange the sentence several ways to make it easier for the reader to understand. One way is to put part of the information in brackets. Like this: 'Mother (of teen who died) cries ....
The subject matter is rather grim, but that's a typical murder trial/ court case headline.
'Mother of ' (babysitter/teen died after being locked in house cries in court).
I have taken a real headline and changed it slightly. The subject is mother. The verb is cries. We can draw a sentence tree. Imagine a tree or face with ear rings. On the left is the branch or ear, the subject. On the right is the branch or ear, the object. Draw hanging from each branch or ear a circle for the clause describing the subject and object. Mother cries. Teen was locked in house then died.
The subject is mother.We could have two sentences. Mother first. Teen second. Mother cries in court. She learns/learned/heard teen was locked in house, then died. Link the sentence with time description 'while/after'.
You can rearrange the sentence several ways to make it easier for the reader to understand. One way is to put part of the information in brackets. Like this: 'Mother (of teen who died) cries ....
The subject matter is rather grim, but that's a typical murder trial/ court case headline.
I could have given a jollier example. Let's try that.
Mother of Olympic dancer/skater (who) got prize despite fall at last round cries with joy.
The reader has to read twice to work out whether the mother got the prize - and whether the mother or offspring cried with joy.
I've put the word 'who' in to try to make the sentence clearer. By the time you get to the end of the sentence you are losing track of who is the subject and who is the object.
Mother cries with joy after daughter wins prize despite fall.
Mother's tears of joy after/when daughter wins dance prize despite fall.
Mother of Olympic dancer/skater (who) got prize despite fall at last round cries with joy.
The reader has to read twice to work out whether the mother got the prize - and whether the mother or offspring cried with joy.
I've put the word 'who' in to try to make the sentence clearer. By the time you get to the end of the sentence you are losing track of who is the subject and who is the object.
Mother cries with joy after daughter wins prize despite fall.
Mother's tears of joy after/when daughter wins dance prize despite fall.
Read my other posts on grammar.
Angela Lansbury
My cv includes writing and sub-editing women's magazines, encyclopaedias and partworks (encyclopaedias issued alphabetically in weekly parts as magazines to be stored in folders).
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